[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
[ << Previous 20 ]
[ << Previous 20 ]
|Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010|
Life is much more than I would like to give it credit.
But that is ok.
Giving up on some things is good if the thing you gain instead is more important or more necessary. The problem I have is trying to move past the things I have given up.
Facebook is a horrible thing. It is like a small child with a loaded gun, no ill intent, but trouble none the less.
|Thursday, May 6th, 2010|
Short and sweet.
Life is good, aside from the job issue.
Ohio is no where near the wonder of the City State, but it's beautiful today and we had short thunderstorms the last two nights. I forgot how much I enjoy thunderstorms.
It is good to be loved. Current Mood: optimistic
|Friday, April 16th, 2010|
|Thursday, April 15th, 2010|
|long time i know...
But this is a less cheap place than FB.
I found out today that I might have a half brother. I had heard my father remarried years ago, but finding out that indeed there are siblings is something I'm not sure on how best to handle.
|Sunday, November 22nd, 2009|
|Not added to a FB comment because I think it detracted from it.
I think a lot of people that share my particular world view miss out on a lot of the wisdom of the Scriptures because of the whole issue surrounding it being the book given to people by a 'God'. Not to say that isn't important, but wisdom, regardless of its real or believed source is still wisdom.
Why is that so difficult for people to understand?
|Saturday, November 21st, 2009|
|from a real person on the intarwebs!
This is an unedited comment from someone upset that librarians were fired for censorship. He gets upset later because someone points out he is a moron, but I will save you that joy for later! (what is beastology?)
"ok this is crazy!!!! What happened to the Christian foundations our families were raised on by our four fathers. This country is based on God, Holy Bible, not allah not beastology either. OK if we're going to leave a book up to the parents to decide lets do away with age requirements for tobacco and alcohol. After all our state does need more tax dollars don't it? Lets allow 7 yr olds to buy cigarettes and 10 yr olds buy alcohol. What is this country coming to. And to think they was fired trying to protect our children? Come on people wisin up and help guide our children in the right path. The public library is meant for a FAMILY place where FAMILIES can go in and get a FAMILY BOOK. NOT something that promotes evil in to our kids heads such as beastology, homosexuality, etc...."
|Writer's Block: Book review
What (if any) books would you ban from a high school library? Are there certain subjects that you feel are inappropriate for teenagers regardless of literary merit?
None. The first sign of a totalitarian state is the well meaning, banning of 'bad' books.
The best way to prevent the sickness of evil minds is to constantly expose their madness for anyone to see. The better educated and more informed a society is, the better is it at containing the poison.
To try and ban the poison only makes martyrs. To allow them the freedom to spout their madness inoculates good people from falling into the sickness of the small hateful mind.
|Wednesday, November 18th, 2009|
I think that rather than remain miserable I should just do the thing I want to do, damn the consequences. Nothing I do is good enough, I am constantly accused of lying, albeit in a kind and almost charming passive aggressive way. I'm criticized, hounded and made to feel like a complete failure. Life is too long to put up with crap from reasonable decent people that claim to not care, but then proceed to 'not care' so much they make you miserable.
The beauty of life is that at any point you can stop, admit you are going in the wrong direction and start in another direction. I have been going the wrong way out of some feeling of responsibility. All it has gotten me is physically ill, resentful to same, and downright contemptuous of others. I can't claim surprise for humans acting human, so I won't. But I am tired of being called a liar. I am tired of people assuming what is going on without ever fucking asking me. They just 'know', and since they lack the character to ask, I cannot compete with their delusion.
To be honest, some have reasonable complaints, and I won't pretend to be the victim. But it is painfully clear that some cannot be at all objective, so rather than allow the thing to degrade further, I will be the adult and end it.
Here is a life tip for everyone. If you can't put your opinion aside long enough to at least comprehend you might not know all the details, at least be enough of a person to admit you can't. It would avoid months of misery, because some assumed, wrongly, that you could.
This is what is best for everyone and is done without any malice. I don't expect anyone to believe me, since I'm a liar and horrible person and all. OK, some malice, but that is why I have to do this now. To delay much longer will push me to hate and no one deserves that.
|Sunday, November 15th, 2009|
|AFA is a bunch o morons
Hey AFA, Seriously? You want a company to use your God and the re-imagined pagan holiday that is now labeled as his in their crass marketing?
Wow, it is good to know you would rather use the image of Christ to sell crap to people at Old Navy than to allow the things of the world to be 'of the world'.
Good to know you care more about which holiday the Gap exploits than you do the message of your God. Or do you just not have anything better to do?
PALIN: Says Ronald Reagan faced an even worse recession than the one that appears to be ending now, and "showed us how to get out of one. If you want real job growth, cut capital gains taxes and slay the death tax once and for all."
THE FACTS: The estate tax, which some call the death tax, was not repealed under Reagan and capital gains taxes are lower now than when Reagan was president.
Economists overwhelmingly say the current recession is far worse. The recession Reagan faced lasted for 16 months; this one is in its 23rd month. The recession of the early 1980s did not have a financial meltdown. Unemployment peaked at 10.8 percent, worse than the October 2009 high of 10.2 percent, but the jobless rate is still expected to climb.
|Monday, October 26th, 2009|
If my burdens if like have affected you in some way, please accept this apology. No need to continue to kick, i'm down already. At this point all you do is encourage me to give up, so, out of some basic human compassion please stop kicking.
My life is in turmoil currently and while there is amazingly bountiful joy in it, there is also a huge burden that, unlike a lot of people I know, I refuse to drop because the loss would be too great. Perhaps it is foolish, but I don't find the idea of abandoning a difficult situation as a practical solution to the problem. Easy, for some yes, but not for me and I would hope you can keep your collective mouths shut about it.
So before you lash out in public again at my faults, of which there are many, please understand that while I don't mean to cause any of you any grief or concern, I will break if you continue. If this means we cannot be friends, I will also accept that as your decision. Life is too long to waste on fair weathers or those that run when things get tough. True friendship is fraught with struggles, and if you can't deal with that, then please go away and enjoy your life free of the burden.
Just take this as a gentle warning. While you have right to be upset, if forced to choose between your opinion of me and what I consider to be right, then you will lose.
My thanks in advance.
|Friday, October 23rd, 2009|
So there is this girl...
Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing you are. What can possibly be going on in her head to make her think that I'm something worth having? I'm confused myself, not that is anything uncommon, but oh my how befuddled I find myself!
Her name is Bridget. What can I say, I love the girl. I have never thought it possible that another person out there could have had the same things go on in their head to make them the person that would be the most perfect person for me. And I'm pretty sure she is. She thinks I'm funny, and smart, and sweet. She tells me things that make my heart sing and face hurt and honestly, I'm so much more than ok with it all.
The feeling I have is that I have known her all of my life, but for some unexplained reason, we only got around to meeting up recently. Have you ever had a moment where you couldn't explain the moment, other than for small, tiny words stabbing to describe the overwhelming rush of joy and certainty that just escapes reason? That is where I am right now. For the first time in years I feel alive and young and ready to live again.
Emotions are just complex chemical reactions our minds use to re-enforce behaviors. At least that is what I know them to be. This belittles the awe and wonder of the thing when one of these reactions, love, takes hold and does that thing it does to us. Yes, please, can I keep this?
I could pour out for pages in regard to how she is, and what she does to me, but it would not do her justice. She loves me, and as simple a thing as that is, I think it is enough. I find myself unable to explain any better than that. She loves me, and I love her. I feel like a cliche'.
How did I go so long without knowing this was there?
With all the pain in the world, I do feel a little guilt for finding this joy, but I'm not strong enough to give it up. I do not know how to share it with you, and there is so much of it to share. I am most fortunate to have stumbled into this.
She makes me want to be more, to try the things I think will make things better. I do not know what will happen, and I really do not care. It is enough right now to bask in this bliss, to enjoy it and savor it for the precious and wonderful thing it is. Life is long and I think happiness is rare. What a boon to have found another soul on the rock to share in the journey.
Forgive my mood.... I'm in love!
|Tuesday, October 13th, 2009|
wading through foot deep water on the way to work this morning, i had a bad people moment. i have to find a way to convince the apartment to not evict me by promising when i can pay rent, but honestly, the answer is 'i can't'.
having a hard time caring right now.
trying to figure out how to get to the office in time to stop the eviction, the short answer is i can't, and honestly, i'm tired of trying.
i finally have something to live for, why am i still waiting here?
|Monday, October 5th, 2009|
I need to talk to someone but the idea of talking to them has me being a chicken about it. No need to be, but the idea is causing me problems. I have pseudo-guilt that i need to deal with before i can do this.
bah, my stubbornness is pretty impressive at times.
|Thursday, September 17th, 2009|
To the other side.
NOW YOU STOP.
You can't claim that you are 'forced into' this if you turn around and do the exact same thing.
For fucks sake, stop acting as equally childish as the other side.
Screw both of you. If you want to play like this fine, just leave me out of it.
This will teach me to ever believe anything anyone says.
|Wednesday, September 16th, 2009|
This morning isn't looking too hot either.
Fair warning. If you have no idea what is going on, then you are totally innocent and I apologize in advance if I'm more difficult than normal.
|Tuesday, September 15th, 2009|
|to whom it might concern, and you know who you are.
I don't want to write this, but after having to deal with the results of your bullshit, I feel I must.
If you are going to play a victim it might help is you stop emailing the current gf. Seriously. You can't cry boohoo when you go and stir up shit.
It's like a kid getting bitten by a dog after harassing the dog for 30 minutes thinking the gate was locked.
Normally I wouldn't fucking care, but see, now I'm being asked questions and I would rather the whole thing fucking die, but since some refuse to play adult and leave others the fuck alone now I'm looking at the prospect of having to give a deposition or even better, go into damn court.
I have a unique view to this because I was once dragged into the whole being stalked mess. An while you repeatedly told me it was all lies made up by people that didnt like you, the now DEAD WOMAN showed me the fucking chat logs. I read the shit you made up about me. What did I do? I let it go, I asked you to stop and tried to ignore it. Even after having to explain to some of my dearest friends that no only were you lying, you were doing it to make yourself feel better not caring what your lies did to me. I didn't tell anyone because it was personally embarrassing to me, and I generally try to not kick a dog when it's already suffering. I even told you to not worry about it when you tried to say that the DEAD WOMAN made up the chat logs to make you look bad. I ignored your obvious mental illness because I had better things to do with my life. I'm starting to regret that decision.
But now, here we are. You, once again, are playing an entire group of people for chumps and playing victim. Please for the sake of yourself, stop this childish bullshit.
If it bothers you that I'm talking about this, please understand, I didnt use names. If you push this I will. And believe me, the small little people in that rotting carcass of a town will still side with you, not because you are right, but because they need drama and frankly, they pity you.
They pity you, they act like you are one of them because it makes them feel better about themselves. They talk shit about you because it is fun, but they will still say nice things to you because its fun to watch you fall for the lie.
Save yourself the pain and loathing and leave people the fuck alone. You should stop contacting anyone the other person knows or dates or the friends and family of those that do.
Quit acting like you are some goddamn saint for warning them of the evil person. You are playing a victim so people will pay attention to you and it is pathetic. You didn't get what you wanted and as soon as you could play victim you did. Was he blameless, no, but he left. At that point you had the opportunity to move on and live your life. But no, you didn't do that, you started to stir up shit, again.
Even after he was gone, you went out of your way to contact people he knew to stir up shit. Stop it. Stop acting like a fucking child and act like an adult. Your childish bullshit is starting to affect me and honestly it isn't worth it. I'm a vindictive fuck and if you keep this up, I will do whatever I can legally to make you suffer each and every day for dragging me into all this crap.
Take this as a not even remotely friendly warning. I let it go years ago. I never went out of my way to tell people what you said about me. See, I thought that once you ask someone to stop and they do, it is over. But see, what you are doing now is called stalking. You are going out of your way to involve yourself where you aren't wanted. This shows that you have done it to at least two people. That means you have THE problem, and if I have to go to court to stop you and maybe make you wake up to that I will.
So please grow up before the adults in the room have to resort to the law to make you behave. I don't want to, but if you fucking push this, I will, and I will make sure that everyone knows exactly what you are, what you did, and how the few people stupid enough to try and be kind were fucked over for it. Current Mood: SICK OF SOME PEOPLE
|Thursday, September 10th, 2009|
someone at work was let go tuesday/wednesday and seeing their cube empty has for some reason put me in a pretty melancholy mood. not that i think it is a sign of things to come, i just hate seeing people put into hard times.
i can't speak to if the person was let go due to a job elimination, or a good old fashioned firing, but regardless, this is a crappy time to be out of work. add to that, the person didn't seem like the sharpest of knives, my underlying softy nature has me mildly concerned. not my problem i know, but the fact remains i don't like knowing people are suffering. i think its a hold over from my delusional thumper days where we were are terrible people needing to be redeemed by some deadbeat dad's illegitimate son. ah the glory days of seemingly deserved guilt.
i never cease to be amazed at the people that look at this world and come to the conclusion that there must be some benevolent magic guy with a plan out there controlling it all. the person that lost their job was very very xtian. nice to see ol' Hubajoo was looking out for her single parent ass.
rule for the day. don't fire people for a while. wait for the economy to stabilize. wait until you absolutely need to get rid of the person. i stress this part, if the person is doing some satisfactory work that no one else is, why get rid of them before you have a replacement. just a thought, it isn't like their salary was breaking the financials, and their meager pay meant a hell of a lot more to them than it did to you.
it's a hopeless situation. and it really doesn't matter, but i will still dwell on it a while. makes no sense, but when has that even been a requirement.
so the next time the people at BART start to complain about how bad they have it, please understand that i'm only burning down the Fruitvale station out of hopelessness, not out of spite.
besides, they will still have their easy overpaid jobs, while one person that had an especially irritating ring tone will have no job.
(i wouldn't care about this person's job status if we had some reasonable safety net for the unemployed)
but i digress.
|Monday, September 7th, 2009|
|agent on the phone
If you do not know the difference between a Web Browser and the Internet, you don't need to be using either.
It is 2009, your ignorance of the very fundamental of basics belie your complete inability to comprehend or even use the steps I am outlining.
You are a nice enough person, but your mind is a rocky and barren thing upon which no wisdom can take any purchase.
|Tuesday, August 11th, 2009|
|Writer's Block: Memo to Myself
If you could travel back in time, what advice would you give to your younger self?
I would have gone with my freshman biology prof on his 3 month trip researching for his doctorate. Hell, i'd probably be rich in some medical research by now.
if you get invited on a trip over seniors for credit, plus it's in the field you want. take it. otherwise you will have fucked up like i did.